That last post may have been a product of blogging on allergy medicine. (And a whole lotta
e-moh-shun!) On this day am looking through these Mother's Day pictures and feeling less dramatic.

Also, this!

you are here

Two years since our move to Seattle.

And one year since we bought the house.

What is up with Memorial Day weekend? We have to be all dramatic with it, apparently. I am kind of over it actually. Seattle, the house. All of it. Like what are we doing here? Not feeling really clear about what the big story of our life is.

But then I look at the pictures and it smacks me in the face. We are raising these boys. We are trying to love each other. It is exhausting. It always feels messy.  We mostly just fall into bed hoping for something better tomorrow. On any given day there are the funniest retorts, the sweetest words, and sarcasm that cuts another down. All in the same day! Same hour sometimes!

I just keep waiting for it all to click into place. This city, the church, our community. But it mostly just us six. Keepin' it real and trying not to kill each other. Maybe we will hatch into a beautiful metaphoric butterfly someday, but we are definitely in the real weird cocoon, "is it dead?" phase.

year 9

  Oh this guy of mine. I needed him so much this year of our marriage. We had been through stuff, our families had been through so much stuff. ( You know in-laws and expectations, and never enough time to work it all out before everyone has to go back to "real life"?) I just waited at the door until he came home from work to pounce on him. A million thoughts swirling around my stay-at-home-mom head all day, then BAM! Another adult, capable of meaningful conversation!

  I learned this year that I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. I learned this by making a lot of mistakes. Swinging wildly between hermitude and endless nights out with friends. Matt was doing wonderful at work and making such a difference in the community and I was looking for my sweet spot, too.

  Lucky for us, we found it in each other. Those differences in personality and life approaches have brought balance to our marriage. So different from when we first married and I was hell bent on "fixing" him.

Mom

 Everyday I become more like my mother...

...and I couldn't be prouder.

embrace the camera

Oh motherhood, what a ride. She finds you hopeful, hormonal, and with a squishy mid-section.

She lives amongst messes, bedhead, and tantrums.

Motherhood will make you cry, make you laugh, and make you dance.

It apparently calls for a lot of cakes. And funny faces.

Sometimes you just need a drink.

Mostly, I think motherhood grows your heart a million times bigger than you thought it could stretch.

a year ago today

 Aden's arm was in a cast.

 Collin picked me all the dandelions in the neighborhood.

 Matt enjoyed his morning cup(s) of coffee.

 Technology brought 4 feisty boys together.

Little reminders that our lives are not our own were scattered through the house.

A lot has changed in a year, ...and not so much.

a day in the life

Sometime Washington just punches you in the face with its natural beauty.
(I was not driving ;)

Thrifting never gets old. Ha! get it?

Little boys colored skinny jeans.

Lots of "would you rather..." questions from the kids lately.

Soccer practice after a lacrosse game.

Science!

Gear. And the worst smell to date.

Stinkeye.

embrace the camera

 Recently I was reading this blog about moms getting in the picture. It is a little bit awkward and our boys find it a lot bit annoying. I am trudging on though because I was here, dammit! I wiped your bum, I made your meals, I suffered through endless arguments. And miracle of miracles, I actually want to remember it all someday ;)

(making Matt & Ellen embrace the camera, as well)

year 8

Flashback to our first high school formal dance. The Sweetheart's Ball at Meridian High School. February 1996, I believe. 

Sooo, there's that.

Onto the next year of our marriage adventure. Happy times as Parker joined a football team & our family rallied to cheer him on. Kaleb also played flag football so a lot of our time was suddenly spent at games and practices.

   It was fun to do together, the whole family. Having all boys just made sense, where it had been a struggle for me at times.

   It was around this time we started alternating years between family vacation & time for just Matt & I to get away. We visited the Oregon Coast as a family, then Matt & I went to Monterey, CA the next year. As much as we try to live up each ordinary day, these trips really did something special. Goal setting, memory making & watching the boys experience new things. Young & broke holds a special place in my heart but this season was made so much better by having some margin in the budget for family time.

year 7

   Year of the date night. Seriously, we are still married because of date night. When the year started we were just recovering from moving and having baby #4 and when it was over, we actually liked each other again. Our families were ridiculously good to us in this season.

   A lot of date nights, double dates, overnight dates. Sometimes 3 dates a weekend! And most of them were terrible because we were fighting. But with all those opportunities to work on our relationship something happened. It was actually harder to make it not work. Then you were stuck mad for the night or having a major awkward moment in a restaurant. I began to see our fates intermingled. His happiness as my happiness.

(yes, I know some people get this whole concept BEFORE they say they say "I do." But hey, Dr. Phil says "Life's a marathon, not a sprint.")