lax

  Lacrosse, second year for Parker and Kaleb. They play on the Supersonics which are in fact a whole lot like the Bad News Bears. But it is generally a fun time for the whole family. It does this Mama's heart good to see something that Parker and Kaleb can do together. Parker stepped up to play goalie this year when the team had none and Kaleb hit his stride as a defender. I choked up a bit when Parker laced up Matt's soccer cleats... 15 years after Matt last wore them. And we have the worst boy smell to date, folks! Not enough Febreeze in the world.

That last post may have been a product of blogging on allergy medicine. (And a whole lotta
e-moh-shun!) On this day am looking through these Mother's Day pictures and feeling less dramatic.

Also, this!

you are here

Two years since our move to Seattle.

And one year since we bought the house.

What is up with Memorial Day weekend? We have to be all dramatic with it, apparently. I am kind of over it actually. Seattle, the house. All of it. Like what are we doing here? Not feeling really clear about what the big story of our life is.

But then I look at the pictures and it smacks me in the face. We are raising these boys. We are trying to love each other. It is exhausting. It always feels messy.  We mostly just fall into bed hoping for something better tomorrow. On any given day there are the funniest retorts, the sweetest words, and sarcasm that cuts another down. All in the same day! Same hour sometimes!

I just keep waiting for it all to click into place. This city, the church, our community. But it mostly just us six. Keepin' it real and trying not to kill each other. Maybe we will hatch into a beautiful metaphoric butterfly someday, but we are definitely in the real weird cocoon, "is it dead?" phase.

year 9

  Oh this guy of mine. I needed him so much this year of our marriage. We had been through stuff, our families had been through so much stuff. ( You know in-laws and expectations, and never enough time to work it all out before everyone has to go back to "real life"?) I just waited at the door until he came home from work to pounce on him. A million thoughts swirling around my stay-at-home-mom head all day, then BAM! Another adult, capable of meaningful conversation!

  I learned this year that I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. I learned this by making a lot of mistakes. Swinging wildly between hermitude and endless nights out with friends. Matt was doing wonderful at work and making such a difference in the community and I was looking for my sweet spot, too.

  Lucky for us, we found it in each other. Those differences in personality and life approaches have brought balance to our marriage. So different from when we first married and I was hell bent on "fixing" him.

Mom

 Everyday I become more like my mother...

...and I couldn't be prouder.

embrace the camera

Oh motherhood, what a ride. She finds you hopeful, hormonal, and with a squishy mid-section.

She lives amongst messes, bedhead, and tantrums.

Motherhood will make you cry, make you laugh, and make you dance.

It apparently calls for a lot of cakes. And funny faces.

Sometimes you just need a drink.

Mostly, I think motherhood grows your heart a million times bigger than you thought it could stretch.