lost post: low tide at Alki Beach

  My parents were in town for Memorial Day weekend. Usually we just keep them locked up at home. Fixing stuff around the house and catering to our demanding children ;)

  This time we ventured out to the beach at low tide. We had promised this type of outing to Kaleb over two years ago... better late than never? Justin met us there and taught the boys how to skimboard.

  It's a sweet life when family and friends are ready and willing to jump in and engage the boys. Thanks guys for making memories!

what I'll remember

  These pics are Parker's first and last day of 7th grade. They really sum thing up for me. That first day you're all geeked out, new clothes, new gear. You will do ridiculous poses for your mom because you think it will be over sooner if you cooperate.

  Then there is the last day. When you woke up late, threw on the shirt at the top of the laundry pile and your mom only has the time/patience/sanity for one picture.

  But what I'll remember from Parker's seventh grade year is that it was the year he grew taller than his Mama.

*dramatic pause*

  I am a fairly tall woman at 5'9, so I thought I would have a wee bit longer. Looking him in the eye has been surreal. It really is true, you will always think of them as wee babes, never the hulking, moody teen that asks "What's for dinner, Mom?" (in an increasingly deeper voice!)

 Well done, Parker. On surviving what could be argued as the most awkward year of anyone's life. For your excellence in school, testing better than 11th graders. And continuing to be "a pleasure to have in class."

"don't tell your mother"

Happy Father's Day, Matt! You make really beautiful babies and you are handy with a firearm for the teenage years- did I score or what??

return to joy

Years ago a saw a counselor that taught me about "return to joy." This is a quote I found on a website that summed it up pretty well; "Returning to joy means finding a resolution to the distress we feel when our “personally important” people are not happy to be with us. Strangely enough, this requires someone to share our distress with us and achieve a “mutual mind” state with our control center...When someone cares enough about us to share our distressing feelings and still be with us we no longer feel alone. Our brain starts to run smoothly again and we start learning helpful ways to stay in relationships when we are upset or others are upset with us." 

Collin is the human embodiment of this concept. He has the most amazing thirst for life and radiating joy. He also drives everyone nuts ;) He reboots every morning with fresh grace for himself and others. It has been so soothing for my weary people-pleasing cynical soul. So blessed by this kid!

par-tay

Lazy blogging going on over here. The pictures above are from Collin's birthday in the spring. I just smooshed them up against a fun little sleepover we had for Aden this weekend. 

Parties have evolved into something new around here. I used to go all out, themes and decorations and spent a lot of money. Now I set the table with cute napkins and some baby carrots. (Trying to make up for all that sugar somehow.) It is low key, and much more fun. The boys focus on flag football or Nerf wars with their friends, we didn't even do a cake for either party. 

Never short on celebration with all these kids in my life.

lax

  Lacrosse, second year for Parker and Kaleb. They play on the Supersonics which are in fact a whole lot like the Bad News Bears. But it is generally a fun time for the whole family. It does this Mama's heart good to see something that Parker and Kaleb can do together. Parker stepped up to play goalie this year when the team had none and Kaleb hit his stride as a defender. I choked up a bit when Parker laced up Matt's soccer cleats... 15 years after Matt last wore them. And we have the worst boy smell to date, folks! Not enough Febreeze in the world.

That last post may have been a product of blogging on allergy medicine. (And a whole lotta
e-moh-shun!) On this day am looking through these Mother's Day pictures and feeling less dramatic.

Also, this!

you are here

Two years since our move to Seattle.

And one year since we bought the house.

What is up with Memorial Day weekend? We have to be all dramatic with it, apparently. I am kind of over it actually. Seattle, the house. All of it. Like what are we doing here? Not feeling really clear about what the big story of our life is.

But then I look at the pictures and it smacks me in the face. We are raising these boys. We are trying to love each other. It is exhausting. It always feels messy.  We mostly just fall into bed hoping for something better tomorrow. On any given day there are the funniest retorts, the sweetest words, and sarcasm that cuts another down. All in the same day! Same hour sometimes!

I just keep waiting for it all to click into place. This city, the church, our community. But it mostly just us six. Keepin' it real and trying not to kill each other. Maybe we will hatch into a beautiful metaphoric butterfly someday, but we are definitely in the real weird cocoon, "is it dead?" phase.

year 9

  Oh this guy of mine. I needed him so much this year of our marriage. We had been through stuff, our families had been through so much stuff. ( You know in-laws and expectations, and never enough time to work it all out before everyone has to go back to "real life"?) I just waited at the door until he came home from work to pounce on him. A million thoughts swirling around my stay-at-home-mom head all day, then BAM! Another adult, capable of meaningful conversation!

  I learned this year that I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. I learned this by making a lot of mistakes. Swinging wildly between hermitude and endless nights out with friends. Matt was doing wonderful at work and making such a difference in the community and I was looking for my sweet spot, too.

  Lucky for us, we found it in each other. Those differences in personality and life approaches have brought balance to our marriage. So different from when we first married and I was hell bent on "fixing" him.

Mom

 Everyday I become more like my mother...

...and I couldn't be prouder.