trash the dress

 A dream of mine just came true. 12 years later, Matt & I did a "trash the dress" photo shoot. I squeezed into that same wedding dress and Matt got all gussied up as well. It started when I saw this link on Design Mom a few years ago and we did it!

  The emotions of that day came back, too. A lot of stress and "why did I think was a good idea?" But Matt was solid. So great. He took my hand and he said we are doing this to remember. The wedding day, the early years, and so in 12 more we can look back at how far we've come. 

   I was worried about it all but he was right. The future me will be so glad we did it. And the thing is, I actually had fun. That's right. Fun. A word Mrs. Aubrey Archuleta does not concern herself with. I lay on the beach with my love and thought, "this is so fun."

   It helped that some of the world's most awesome people were the photographers. Tyler and Courtnay of Tyler Phillips Photography are just the bomb.com. One of the biggest concerns for me was meeting them for the first time and trying to explain our ideas to them. It was so silly to worry. They are so warm and easy to work with and yet, really professional. They are an amazing team and I had total faith in them within the first few minutes of meeting them.

  Okay, onto the good stuff with just one last note. Thank you, Mom. For buying me the dress that was just a little out of our budget. Thank you for going with me to those awful wedding dress shopping excursions when I had no clue what I wanted. (we could just throw in high school dance dress shopping here, too) Because all these years later, I had a nice dress that I still liked and did not look like an 80's prom. 

girls night

  I spent the night with some lovely ladies a few weekends ago. So timely, as school was about to start. A little last blast of summer with some friends I have come to treasure over this past year.

  We ate and drank and soaked in the quite-ness of a house with no littles. Topped off our glasses, kicked up our feet, and had a good long chat. The message I took from those 24 hours was right on target for my heart; that the best is yet to come. Sure, I am letting go of so much in this new season with the boys headed off to school and sports and all that. But, I am embracing a new time with it's own joys, too. And I am loving that quiet house a few hours a day!

  One more thing, I loved that all three of us packed in reusable bags from a grocery store. Such a mom thing to do Thank you, Hillary for setting it all up. And thank you. Rhiannon for teaching me how to do a proper squat :)

these are a few of my favorite things

 The boys of summer. Our kids are making friends and dashing out the door to meet them at neighborhood parks every second they can. This is good for a Mama's heart.

 A new confidence that life sucks but I will get through it. Maybe I'll even learn some new tricks.

 Is there anything better than new school supplies? I think not. Even stashed away a box of Crayola crayons, just for me.

 We have healed up enough to start trying churches again. 2 different churches in 2 months and both were positive experiences. Praise the Lawd!

 Seeing my boys create and immerse themselves in games. Boredom gets a bad rap but maybe we all just need to be a little bored to get going?

 Mama got some new school shoes too. And mums on the porch. Fall is coming and it is mah fave! NFL games on the TV and a hot chai tea in my hand. Divine.

Another collage wall completed! It is starting to feel "lived in" around here. Still need to paint almost every room but this was a good start.

the sparkle mafia

  Marcela & Sweet P came to the Emerald City last weekend! We galavanted all over town having a marvelous time, just us girls. Too much fun, me thinks, because Marcela became very sick and had to go home early. (she is doing better now)

  You know what that means...Do Over. And the BSU vs. UW game might just be our chance. Thanks for making the trip girls!

back to school: a photo story

when the baby goes to Kindergarten

 When the baby goes to Kindergarten. Where to start? I have been a mess about this transition. First I felt like Collin was just not ready. He is the fourth of four boys. This means he is loud, he has to be! He has also gotten used to his brothers doing things for him. We chose for him to not go to preschool so there is a social adjustment as well. I realize these are all reasons to send him to school so he can learn these things. Except in my experience, school does not teach these things. A kid like him suffers  a great deal in the traditional public school system. I know this in part from our other boys experience, my time substitute teaching, and mostly from his daddy. 

Well, I worked it through and decided that it was indeed my issues, not Collin's that were the problem. (this is usually the case.) We are unable to do homeschool or private school so barring Catholic School, our boys will be in the public school system. Delaying Collin by a year, making him a very old Kindergartener, would not solve much. Now I have to deal with my feelings about the approaching school year with all four boys enrolled. Yowza, cue the tears, fears, catastrophizing, and actual nightmares. 

   It is big deal and I won't let anyone tell me it's not! I have had this stay at home mom gig for awhile now and yea, it's unpaid and exhausting and very unglamorous but it's been my life since high school. I have had this little guy all day since he was born, or he has been with Grandma or some other situation where he was spoiled rotten. Anyway, I don't even know what I'll miss because I have taken it all for grated all these years. I mean, I knew Collin was the last of our brood so I soaked in that newborn smell a little longer, took a few more pictures, & let him wear ridiculous outfits more often. I have tried to live up this precious time with my son the best I could. 

   And that is the problem! I feel like it hurts more because of that connection. I feel like I am being punished for loving them too much. I feel like my job as a mother is over. (can you hear me in full panic mode?) I know I'm their mom forever but it feels like something sacred is ending. Because it is. 

  So, here we are on the night before Collin's first day. Hot tears are streaming down my face and my stomach is in knots. But I will hope and trust. Because that is what we moms do, hope and trust…and wipe lil butts. (that should totally be a bumper sticker!) Here is my hope for you sweet baby Archuleta;

Dear Collin,

  

Wow, big things happening for you this year. You are five now, so you can buckle your own  seatbelt, get yourself breakfast, & build the most fantastic Lego spaceships. And tomorrow, you will be a Kindergartener! You have already had your shots, you didn't even fuss at all. We chose the perfect blue backpack for you and you look especially handsome with your recent haircut. 

  There are so many fun things you will love about school. You get to meet new friends, play at recess, and learn to read! You will have some teachers that make you laugh, some that challenge you, and some that should just go ahead and retire. But I hope they learn from you too, Collin. I hope your enthusiasm is contagious and they get a lethal dose of it. I hope they can forgive wrong like you can, that each day they give you the same do over that you give me so often. I hope they listen to the stories you tell and teach you to keep imagining.

  And most of all, I am praying that you will feel so very loved when you get home from school. That your mom will be ready to listen to all the day's events and celebrate with you. That no matter the bumps and bruises along the way, we can do it together. I will be waiting with milk and cookies-because I have never had the time to do that, and now I do!

  Go get 'em Butterbean.

Love,

Mama

year 4

  Early in our marriage we were given all these marriage books. When people saw what a trainwreck our dating life was, they said a prayer and bought us something by Dennis Rainey.

  One of these books basically stated, in chapter 1 mind you, that Matt & I had a 400% chance of divorce...or something like that. Kid before marriage, both from broken homes, Matt in law enforcement...yada yada yada, we were doomed. So we stopped reading those books and picked up some on warfare. Seriously. How to fight for each other in a bloody battlefield of dysfunctional behavior.

   Year 4 was not to dissapoint in terms of adventure. We built a new home, Matt made the jump from patrol into School Resource Officer, and we became pregnant with Aden. Happy times, right?

   I think we were trying to outrun life. There was finally enough money to pay the bills, a beautiful new house to decorate, and another baby on the way. All that young and broke stuff was a thing of the past.

   Well, not really. The clouds started to gather and a depression set in. One day I will write about it. It was from this dark place that Matt learned to say to me "I'll die on this hill." He is assuring me that this is his fight, to the end. For my heart. For our family. I think back on it and it seems to me, that was the beginning of our marriage right there. For better or worse, Babe.

(so a quick note on the photos: 1-we can discuss my hair in the comment section, if you would like ;)
2-they do not always go with the exact year I am covering because 3-it's really hard to find pics without little people crawling all over us!)

blackberry cobbler y'all

   About this time of year, I turn into a freegan. If it can be foraged, I am all over it. It must be the long days of summer filled with, "Mooooom, I'm huuuuuunnnnnnngry." Well, Seattle provides, friends. All along our neighborhood alleyways are bushes heavy with perfect blackberries. Sweet and free for the picking.

  After we pick, I freeze half (for gray February mornings that beg for blackberry syrup on warm pancakes) then we usually make crepes with this lady's recipe. The boys asked for cobbler this time, though. I used this recipe. Easy, quick, delicious and all with stuff I had already.

Remember the berry post from last year? Well, the same circus act discussion came up again this year, too funny.