report card

   As usual, my youngest son has flipped my perspective on parenting on it's head. A few months back I received Collin's report card. His progress is always good but the report is filled with categories like, "needs improvement," or "does not meet standard." It is a difficult thing to take in as a mom. I have three other kids that have very different, very high-achieving report cards. And, in raising these four boys, I have never seen any of them work as hard as Collin. 

   I am so very proud of the work he puts in. With ADHD and dyslexia, the classroom is not an ideal place for him. He keeps his teacher and I guessing, for example, it will take him anywhere between one and three weeks to master a spelling list. No real pattern or method for success has been apparent. Yet he greets each school day with enthusiasm. He is quite social with his peers and many of his teacher aides have commented on that joy of his. 

   Medication was not a good fit for Collin right now. Maybe in the future we will investigate further.  (Middle School, I'm looking at you.) For now, we take our vitamins, we lather on essential oils, and we have a morning pep talk about controlling our bodies and the volume of our voice. I laughed at loud when I read a note Collin wrote to thank his principal for all his hard work and noticed Collin ended it with, "I am gluten free because my mom thinks its a good idea." Ha! Indeed, Collin is  willing to make the changes but he would be all Cheetos and playing SkyLanders all day if he was in charge,

We are all met with challenges in life and Collin has taught me the most about how to respond to those difficulties. When something proves frustrating for my three over achievers, I have some new resiliency skills up my sleeve. The true life hacks for when, not if, things don't come easy. Let's face it, we live in a culture that is achievement based and celebrates overnight successes. Fighting that flow has been consuming for me. I was the cool, composed young mom at all those award ceremonies where my kids were center stage.  Now I am "that mom" whose kid can't sit still or shoves ahead in pickup line. 

So we have changed what and how we celebrate achievement at our house.  We started looking for what each son specifically excels or struggles with. We will help support where needed and when they get it right? There is no more money for straight A report cards. Now there is going out for froyo and cheers from your brothers. The older boys miss the way it used to work out for them but I am insisting that learning empathy and goal setting and doing it together is the better way,